Can anyone advice on how to parent a child when the other parent keep undermining what you have said?

When ever I tell my 3 year old son not to do something, my partner will often challenge me infront of my son. I have spoke to him about this but it only seems to make matters worst. It has reached the point now where I feel that I should not say anything. I expecting a baby in the next 3 weeks and feel that if I am having problems (being undermind and not backed up) with one child- it will be even worst with another. I am beginning to feel that my son hates me as I am seen as the 'kill joy'.Can anyone advice on how to parent a child when the other parent keep undermining what you have said?
wait til the child is out of the room ten give ur partener a good slap for not backing u up u r the childs mother and u r probibly the one spending all day with the child and u need to have ground rules to be able to bring the child up properlyCan anyone advice on how to parent a child when the other parent keep undermining what you have said?
My heart sank when I read your question. I feel that the uncertainty and confusion in a 3 year old wondering, ';who do I listen to without getting me into trouble?'; I had parents JUST like this. Mom was always trying to do for the ';good'; of us and Dad just wanted ';buddies who like me for my consent';...


My number one advice: Just beeee CONSISTANT. Unwaivering so your son will know what YOUR boundries are. I do hope there is boundry setting with hubby. Maybe some parenting classes?


good luck. It isn't a game for ';winning';...just trying to raise a stable child in an unstable, inconsistant house bosses is definitely confusing. Talk with your hubby in private. Compromise...and really try hard to do the best for your child. He will have a good foundation for life that way.
I strongly urge you to talk to him again and ask to go for family counseling, also find books on child rearing that discuss the issue and ask him to read them or magazine articles about it.





I have the same problem, I have a 2 1/2 and a 16 month old and now I am 5 months pregnant, and I find it getting harder. My husband says he will read the stuff but never does. He doesn't feel a counselor is for him. It makes it hard to stay a family when the parents don't agree on the child rearing. We agreed before we had kids, but now that we do.... im the bad guy always!





Try my suggestions, get help, before it becomes such a problem you are ready to leave in order to have peace in your home...





Good Luck
I have the same problem but my partner is seen as the big bad wolf, if i tell my son off ad he says something back to me (not being cheeky) my partner will shout at him and it really gets me mad, i had a word with him and told him that if i am going to get any respect from my son then he needs to stop undermining me and let me handle the situation as i would do with him which is sort of the problem you have but vice versa, speak to your partner and tell him how you feel and decide to work together as your son is going to soon learn that mummy won't let him do certain things but Daddy will, he probably thinks there is no problem but you should straighten it out from the start or it will just eat away at you, good luck with your new baby
yea you just need to compromise...a lot of kids become confused by wish-washy parents. maybe someone needs to give in on one issue and then the other can give in on something else but telling a child 2 different things is the worse option
My husband and I had this same problem when we first got together (I had a daughter from a previous relationship) except it was me who was doing the undermining...he confronted me about it several times, and finally, I stopped doing it, because it was causing alot of problems, eventually my daughter didn't want anything to do with him, and it made me realize how bad it had gotten. Now, if I disagree with a punishment, I confront him later, in private and we talk about ways he/I could've handled the situation better. Hope this helps.
Talk to your partner when the child is not present. Tell them how you feel and what you expect. If they don't cooperate, then you have no choice then to just keep what you are doing.
You and you partner need to be joined up on parenting. The child will quickly see and then exploit any gaps in your thinking. A public disagreement is very destructive to the child and to the family overall.





Bringing up children is so very hard. Your experiences are part of most families - you're not alone.





Sit down with your partner and find areas where you agree. Then move to areas of contention and try to find a middle ground
Your partner's betraying you for some reason. Why does he want to undermine you in baby's eyes? Your word must be law. Assert yourself to all parties. Don't back down and don't be afraid to be tough. If your partner challenges you in front of baby take yourselves away for a row, but don't back away from it. Your son will ALWAYS love you and be grateful for clear boundaries. This isn't what you need when you're expecting-what a git your other half is!
your partner is well out of order.you are meant to make joint decisions.





there is always one parent stricter than the other.





you are not getting the much needed support.





your son will play on the fact that daddy says yes mummy says no it is unfair.


your partner should never talk you down in front of your child as they take a lot on board from an early age.ask your partner to say what he wants to say when your little one is in bed.your partner is doing this because he does not want your child to dislike him. you must put an end to this before your baby is born.
Maybe you should seek out some family counseling- even through a local church before this gets out of control. You cannot have a child who doesn't respect you, it seems his father doesn't either. With a new baby on the way you must be so overwhelmed. This should be a happy relaxed time for you not a stressful one. Maybe try talking to your partner again - don't accuse him but tell him you feel hurt and that you would like for the two of you to parent together and have a united front. Even if he doesn't agree would he please discuss it with you in private instead of in front of your son because you feel it is affecting the quality of your relationship with him. If all else fails let it go for now and focus on your last weeks of pregnancy and try to relax. I feel so bad for you, what a tough position to be in, especially right now. I hope it all works out and your partner understands the position he is putting you in. Good Luck
choose your battles. make sure they are worth winning, and win them. period.
Tell your partner how you feel, from experience I know this situation will have a detrimental effect on your children. For them to know exactly where they stand you and your partner need to show them a united front - if not a wedge will be driven between you and your partner and the kids will run rings around you both. Good luck, take your partner to task - sounds like you are doing right by the children.
You and your partner need to have a good discussion about what the rules are . Until you can both work together and unite your son is just going to get mixed messages and have no respect for either of you. PLEASE make time for a proper adult conversation and sort out these issues.
when you get he answer you want, let me know, cause im going through the same thing except i dont plan on having anymore kids until i get this resolved. I have 2 girld and my husband does the same thing. mostly with the younger one who is 2.
It's extremely important for both of you to be together on this stuff with your children.





Sit down and have a one on one heart to heart with your partner and come to some kind of agreement about it before another episode happens in front of your child.





Your partner is dissing you. Get it straightened out.'
You and your partner need to sit down and discuss this, preferrably away from your child. Kids thrive on consistency, but will learn to manipulate and put you against each other if given the opportunity. It would be best to resolve this before the next baby. Just remain calm, if you are both level headed you will be able to work this out. I went through a similar situation with my husband and youngest daughter, not too long ago. I calmly brought it to his attention, and explained how it made me feel and the consequences it could have on our daughter and our relationship. It's important for parents to back each other up. When you disagree, do it privately rather than in front of the child. He did not even realize he was doing it.


Since our talk, he has caught himself doing it and stopped. You can't always agree on everything, but communicating calmly can resolve a lot of things.


Best wishes to you!
Go to couples therapy. There is no way you can effectively parent when your partner sets you up like that. And if he's not willing to go, then that should say something about him and where his priorities are.
you've got to consetrate on your partner. it's not your boy's fault. tell your partner what the crack is, don't take no s**t. you';re the pregnant one!!!
These are things you should have talked about before having kids. If neither of you are mature enough to be real parents and be able to compromise and show a united front, then you need to quit having kids together because your kids will use you against each other and they will run all over you.
Stop trying to parent individually and take a joint approach. Ask your partner to subtly take you aside if he disagrees with your decision, and make the decision together, away from your son. This means that (whilst there will always be disagreements from time to time) you will be able to discuss issues without getting undermined in front of your son. What's more, your son will see your decisions as joint decisions and won't single anyone out as the killjoy.